So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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