Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my being single is dangerous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
