physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
