Ambien. No doubt about it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
