Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
