i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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