i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
