summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
