He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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