Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
