dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
