you guys were way drunker than both of me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
