pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
