Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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