Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
