GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
