just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
