so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
