I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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