I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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