you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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