why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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