Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
