Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
