if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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