Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love accidental penises.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
