And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
