Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
