***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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