I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
