There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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