are you still at the devil's house?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
