have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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