You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The air was thick with penises
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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