the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
