The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
