Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
