haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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