Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you never un-have a 4some
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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