First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
