he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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