just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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