my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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