i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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