They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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