so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
