If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize