is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
