why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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