Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's get the cat blown out
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
