omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
