I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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