its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
