just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sarcasm needs its own font
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
