So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
