You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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