I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
