Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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