If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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