Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
