So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
