His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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