I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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