tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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