Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
