how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
