Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
