Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
