apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
