She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
