I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
