there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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