I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize