Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
