1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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