last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
In America we eat man semen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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