Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
