oh god the rape fog is back!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
