you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize