I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
