I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
