He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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