my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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