Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
