Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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