man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
