youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
