I cockslap morals
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
