I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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