Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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